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 Val's Story Team Application

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Valzion
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Age : 22
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PostSubject: Val's Story Team Application   Wed Nov 03, 2010 2:30 pm

Name: Erik Heaton (Valzion Markate/zeldafan95)

Age: 15

Grade Level: 10th Grade

Grade in English: You mean my grade in Pre-AP English II GT? Only 105. Yeah, sorry, I got a 98 on my last test.

Stories: I am currently writing a full fledged novel in my English class right now. So far it contains 208 pages. Not done yet. I will be sure to post it soon. For now, enjoy this small bio of the "Light Breakers," the characters my story is about.

Spoiler:
 

Why I want to be in Story Team: Because I love to read and I love to write? Nah, more so is because I want to give inspiration to those around me. I want them to believe in the true essence of writing, the inspirational essence of writing. Reading and writing make the world go round. You can put anything you want onto paper without repercussion. Writing is life. Without it, what life could there possibly be, other than that of un-civilization.
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BadMSAnimator
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Title : Pokemon Master
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Join date : 2010-08-20
Age : 23
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PostSubject: Re: Val's Story Team Application   Wed Nov 03, 2010 2:33 pm

All the bright light...I need some water and blue...

Anyway, you know my answer. I've seen your works. fu** no.

Jaykay. Hell yeah.

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lunasongxd
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PostSubject: Re: Val's Story Team Application   Wed Nov 03, 2010 11:49 pm

I never knew u to be such the writer Val

Yes from me =3=
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Uri
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Title : The storm freak.
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PostSubject: Re: Val's Story Team Application   Thu Nov 04, 2010 2:14 am

I vote yes, your epic and you deserve being in the story team.
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Annie
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Title : Hopeless Romantic ♡
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Age : 22
Location : ur room. ♥

PostSubject: Re: Val's Story Team Application   Thu Nov 04, 2010 5:50 pm

CnC:
 

Strong Points:
 

I had some trouble CnCing your's, because the genre I'd prefer is romance (cough Hopeless Romantic cough). Maybe Matt could do better for this.

I have to admit though, I quite like it. Great suspense.


I think you're trying to make your writing seem, uhm... can't find the word, complicated? Well, whatever you're doing is confusing. Sometimes your sentences are too wordy, and sometimes the words seem out of order, which makes it too complicated. Hmm... here's the deal: Simple writing can mean a lot, too. So even without using hard vocab words or using passive tense, the story can still mean a lot.

My Answer:
 

However, I think you're really, really close already.

You've got a strong start, and acceptable english.
But, you need to understand the story in your reader's POV.
Would they get it if I say this? Would this be too confusing? Would I understand this if I were the reader?

Walk around their shoes.
You'll see. c:

Apply again.
Make it brief & simple. That's all.


You almost have my approval; If this is what you've wanted to hear: you've already shown me you can write.

And, please, you said this is not a "story"? ... Then why bother? (if, like you said, just wanted me to say something about it, why don't you just submit it in the "Literature" section?)



Thanks for applying.

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